For many of us by the time we get to our menopause, we have been so used to putting everyone, everything, every commitment, obligation & circumstance first that we arrive at the menopause feeling lost & adrift. With no idea how to make ourselves a priority. And yet no-one else is going to do it for us.
When my menopause symptoms were at their worst, my life was at its most chaotic frankly I felt more than lost & adrift, I felt broken.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done something joyful, just for the fun of it. I feared I had forgotten how to have fun. Until I realised it was just a choice: I could choose to be happy, I could choose fun & joy.
And so one week in the summer of 2020, the kids were at their Dad’s for the first time in months as we were re-emerging from lockdown, I chose to only do things that bought me joy & fun.
Not contrived, zip-wiring kind of fun, just really, simple, little things like noticing favourite records when they came on the radio, binge watching a series I’d always wanted to watch, curling my hair with foamy curling things & taking calls with said curls wrapped around locks.
I not only relished the week (which I had been dreading in all honesty, I wasn’t in a good place & the thought of the kids being away for a week was terrifying) but I felt better, lighter, uplifted & I had had fun & felt genuine joy again. I felt hopeful & optimistic for the first time in ages.
Of course, life takes over & new habits are hard to maintain. Whilst I maintained a robust practice of self-care & self-development with yoga, meditation, time in nature, gratitude, journaling & processing practices, energy management & clearing, making fun a priority wasn’t always well a priority.
One day I was chatting to Kate Codrington & she asked me what I did that was joyful & fun. I felt the weight of this question resting heavy. Nothing really if I was honest. In my 20’s & 30’s it was all heady hedonistic fun: dancing on podiums, clubbing with friends & travelling.
Neither were realistic options being a 50+ single mum on a yoga teacher’s salary. Whilst I get a great deal of joy from my practices, which serve me well, offering profound healing & transformation: it was time for something more.
Doing something joyful, that lights you up, fills you with joy is such a powerful practice. It sends a powerful message to the Universe that you love yourself enough to invest in yourself, nurturing & nourishing yourself, you start to connect more deeply with your own soulful, joyful self, you’re more fun to be around, your vibration, the frequency at which you resonate changes & you become a magnet for more of the same.
It was time for more joy.
I decided to start reading more fiction. Within a week or so of setting this intention I was invited to host Harley St’s Book Club – the dilemma of what book to read was solved.
The first book was an absoluter corker – I read it twice! The 2nd was a charmingly great read too & although feeling sceptical after reading the first chapter I ended up really enjoying he 3rd. In between I have revisited old favourites & new books & I’ve read more in the past 6 months than I have in the previous 6 years!
I love getting lost in a book & doing so for the pure joy & love of it. It has also really helped my sleeping & I rarely struggle to go to sleep anymore reading before bed instead of binge watching Netflix.
A passion of mine is live music but it’s been a few years since I went to gig. When the opportunity arose to take my daughter to see Harry Styles I embraced it with delight. Sir Harry didn’t disappoint & we danced & sung all night. On the way back to the car Indie turned to me absolutely beaming, ‘That was the most amazing night of my life.’
Oh the joy!
Last night went to see Rag n Bone Man at Cardiff Castle with some girlfriends. We laughed so much tears rolled down my cheeks, the people watching was fascinating, the setting was fabulous & Rag’s set was fantastic. It was all so uplifting & so much fun. One of my friends, who struggles health wise & I was worried the toll a long day & late night might take, has reported that she’s not even suffering today – if that isn’t a testament to the power of joy I don’t what is!
An unexpected source of joy has been my garden. I’ve never been much of a gardener, one of the very few mindful activities that I just didn’t get. But I have loved the way my garden has evolved in the past few months & genuinely revel in getting my hands dirty & co-creating with mother nature.
Visiting my brother recently I noticed they had a hammock. I hopped in & was instantly transported to 20+ years ago when I was living in the Togean Islands training as a divemaster. I would often rest in between dives in the hammock. Fond memories flooded back.
A few days later a hammock arrived – an early Christmas gift! Ever since I have enjoyed daily time in the hammock. I meditate, sometimes I’m reflecting, contemplating, planning, reading, sometimes I’m just listening to the birdsong . A few moments of joyful just being & I cherish this me-time.
This is the beauty of finding your joy. When you discover those little moments of joy, that’s where the magic is. You no longer feel lost or adrift. Instead, you feel uplifted & filled up, grounded & centred with a beautiful inner equilibrium of serenity & joy.