There are 13 million women in UK experiencing The Menopause: they are either peri-menopausal, menopausal or in post menopause phase.
The menopause journey can last up to 15 years.
More than 60% of women experience symptoms which present as behavioural changes, with 25% experiencing severe & debilitating symptoms.
10% of women will loose or quite their jobs because they just can’t balance it all anymore, their symptoms are so overwhelming.
Menopause rips lives apart.
And I can attest to this. My symptoms started when my youngest was a toddler & I was diagnosed with metal health problems & treated for such but because the diagnosis was wrong it never quite did the trick & I lurched from crisis to crisis.
But this also inspired me to train to teach yoga & mindfulness such was their effectiveness & supporting me in between, during & beyond.
It cost me my marriage. Although in fairness as a good friend pointed out: you can’t blame EVERYTHING on the menopause, some things were just meant to be – wise words my friend.
So maybe the menopause gave the the strength to say: enough. Fine just wasn’t good enough anymore. It was the fire to reflect on my life & decide where I wanted it to take me. And that is a gift in itself.
Just before the beginning of the pandemic we had just moved in with my new partner. It was the happy ending or new beginnings after some fraught years. I had beautifully naive notions of lockdown being an opportunity for us to bond as a newly formed blended family. I had dreams of the kids building tree houses together, learning to meditate & practice yoga.
Instead they bickered through their morning Joe Wicks workout & I felt like I was going mad & letting everyone down.
I felt like I was levelling out at 7/10 triggered all the time so the tiniest thing would tip me into 9 or 10 or even 12 out of 10 & I would over-react. And I hated myself for it.
My memory was so bad I honestly thought I had early onset dementia. I hear many sharing their own experiences in similar ways. I called them my Still Alice moments after Julianne Moore marvellous movie.
But as much as I tried to make light of it, I was terrified. My partner would be left looking after me & my kids (not his) & I wouldn’t even know anyone’s name. And of course this fear just made everything even worse.
43% of menopausal women struggle with their memory – that over 5 million women here in the UK alone.
I cannot tell you the relief to discover it was probably menopause.
My mindfulness practices & meditation helped to calm my mind & become more present & consciously engaged so that I was just more aware where I’d put the keys. Or if I done something daft like putting them in the fridge I found it easier to re-trace my steps.
I struggled with crippling anxiety & panic attacks & I am not alone up to 1/3 of menopausal women experience the same.
Again mindfulness came to hand: when I felt the anxiety rising I would remind myself I don’t have to believe everything I think, that’s are just thoughts not fact & I would remind myself these sensations weren’t real. and the panic attacks subsided.
I started chatting to friends & realising I wasn’t going mad, it was (just) menopause. I realised the importance of connection, of feeling seen & heard because I had felt so lost & broken. so invisible.
Although the relationship didn’t survive & despite some horribly toxic experiences, I can honestly say the past couple of years have been some of the best times.
I have learnt a lot about my practices, the science behind how they work, energy, quantum & so much more & the relevance to managing my meno symptoms.
I have learnt so much about the menopause itself because despite working, living & being in an holistic environment I had never really considered The peri-Menopause when my mental health floundered & i realised how woefully unprepared or educated I was about it.
Don’t get me wrong I haven’t always been able to see my meno journey so positively. it was Only recently when I realised that I had missed the peri-menopause & in so doing had not done much of the ‘inner work’ we are being called to do, I understood why my menopause had been so chaotic, confusing & frightening. To get my attention.
And it did. So I did the inner work, I invested time in myself to heal, learn lessons, grow. The lesson was crying out for me to heed it. So it was time to.
as I started to approach Second Spring, I realised I may have another few years ahead of ups & downs I have to confess to feeling resentful. Hadn’t the menopause impacted enough of my life already? Almost a decade.
And that was the work I was being called to do: to surrender & accept. And in doing so the potential potholes became more like bumps in the road. And in that surrender & acceptance came peace & a trust in the process, the journey & myself.
There a lot of women out there struggling, hanging on to that cliff face by their finger tips. I was one of them. AND THAT’S WHY, ALTHOUGH THE MENO STAT’S STACK UP TO BE QUITE SOBERING READING, it’s so important to reframe this experience & not get sucked in by the negative narrative.
It’s also why I pledged to serve women & support them through their menopause journey.
It’s why I have launched 2 monthly FREE meno-meet-up support groups, why I launched my weekly class Yoga for Menopause & will be sharing more about the menopause in my upcoming workshops .
I just don’t want other women to struggle like I did.
But I also feel inspired to help women re-frame their menopause journey. It would be too easy to slip into the narrative of doom & despair.
I believe The Menopause is an invitation to do just that: pause. It’s time to put yourself first for the first time ever. Invest, nurture & nourish yourself. To slow down, turn inwards, reflect, accept, take action if you want to & it’s necessary, heal, grow, transform.
I am grateful for my meno journey for all all that is has held so far & all that is ahead. It has inspired me to make changes, take action & to serve. My experiences in the menopause inspired me to learn more about & deepen my yoga & meditation, self-care and spiritual practices & they serve me beautifully – I am grateful for this alone. I am happier, more settled, more joyful & so are my kids than ever before. Better than ever if you like!
Reframing is not just for the mental & emotional aspects of the menopause, it can also be really powerful in relieving some of the symptoms: for example in Kunadlini Yoga energetic surges are seen as a cleansing process & welcomed for the wisdom they contain. Reframing hot flushes as similar can help reduce the fear associated with them (which btw makes them worse) & invite in the lessons.
There is also a school of thought that believes that as our conscious awareness improves, which for many is also the journey they are being invited upon during their meno journey, this diverts energy to different parts of the brain which may also cause the lapses in memory. Again isn’t that just a more poetic way to view memory lapses?
Our menopause doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us. How can you heal & grow in your meno journey?
You are not broken, you don’t need fixing. Took me a while to get this because I felt incredibly broken & lost when my symptoms were at their worst. If you’d said to me then that I would look back on the past couple of years with a fondness & gratitude I would have probably had a fit of meno-rage.
You are beautiful, unique & just like a caterpiller undergoes transformation to emerge as a beautiful butterfly, so too are you. You are not broken. You don’t need fixing.
your menopause journey can feel like it’s kicking your ass & I hear you.
but i implore you: Take some time for yourself, be kind to yourself, nurturing yourself as you would a dear friend & reflect what are the lessons you can learn. How can you reframe your meno journey? This is where your power lies.
Your invitation is to create a life you love, where you are thriving. If I can do it, so can you.
If you’d like to know how you can work with me 1-2-1 or want to join any of the initiatives above just email me alex@alexbannard.com